How to learn Thai to talk to your family: a heritage guide

Your mum asks you something in Thai. You understand every word. You know exactly what you want to say. And then you answer in English, or you just nod. If that’s you, you’re not starting from zero, and you’re definitely not the only one. This guide is for heritage speakers who want to start talking back.

Is it normal to understand Thai but not speak it?

Yes. It’s very common among heritage speakers. Linguists describe heritage speakers on a range: some mostly understand the language, others are fully fluent. Maria Polinsky and Olga Kagan’s 2007 overview of heritage languages describes the same thing as a continuum, from fluent speakers to people who barely speak the home language.

In a survey of US college heritage learners run by UCLA’s National Heritage Language Resource Center, Kagan said that across about 18 languages, “all the heritage language learners that we surveyed identified listening as their best ability”. And: “Very few of them think they are as good in speaking.”

So the gap between what you understand and what you say isn’t a personal failing. It’s what growing up with a language at home, and everything else in another language, tends to produce. (Wondering how hard Thai is overall? Our honest answer to is Thai hard to learn? covers tones, script and the heritage head start.)

Does understanding Thai count?

It does. Your listening is real Thai. A 2022 study of US heritage bilinguals in Frontiers in Communication found that cultural identification was linked to receptive skills (understanding and reading) and to experience of the language through family and reading, not to how well people rated their speaking.

If someone asks whether you speak Thai, this is an honest answer that keeps them talking to you in Thai:

ฟังออก แต่พูดไม่ค่อยเก่ง

fang ork, tae phuut mai khoi geng

ฟังออก แต่พูดไม่ค่อยเก่งครับ

fang ork, tae phuut mai khoi geng khrap

ฟังออก แต่พูดไม่ค่อยเก่งค่ะ

fang ork, tae phuut mai khoi geng kha

Who is speaking?

ครับ said by a manค่ะ said by a woman

Draft: waiting for a native speaker’s review.

Where should a heritage speaker start: grammar or replies?

Replies. Most grammar books are written for people who’ve never heard Thai. You’ve heard it for years. What’s usually missing isn’t knowledge, it’s a few ready-made answers you can say without thinking while the conversation keeps moving.

Think about what your family actually asks you. Have you eaten? Are you well? When are you coming? Many families ask the same handful of questions over and over, which is good news: a small set of replies covers a lot of real conversations. Talking with family is also one of the top reasons heritage learners give for studying. In a 2009 survey of US college heritage learners by Carreira and Kagan, “to communicate with family and friends” was the second-biggest reason, right after understanding themselves through their heritage.

If you want to know why the Thai you do have comes out so polite, we wrote about that in why does my Thai sound like my mum?

Which moments should I practise first?

The ones you’ll actually be in. Pick one and get it ready before you worry about the rest:

• The video call with ยาย (yaai). Hello, how are you, have you eaten, love you, call again next week. It repeats every week, which makes it the perfect practice ground.
• Family meals. “I’ve eaten”, “I’m full”, “can I have some more”, “nobody cooks like you”. Food is often how families say love, and answering in Thai says it back.
• Big family days. Songkran, a birthday, a temple visit, or a festival night like Loy Krathong with your Thai family. One wish or one thank-you in Thai lands far bigger than its length.

Knowing who to call what helps in every one of these. Our guide to Thai family words sorts out ยาย from the rest of the family tree.

How do I ask my family to slow down?

Ask, in Thai. These two lines are the most useful things a heritage speaker can learn, because they keep you inside the conversation instead of nodding along:

พูดช้าๆ หน่อยได้ไหม

phuut chaa chaa noi dai mai

พูดช้าๆ หน่อยได้ไหมครับ

phuut chaa chaa noi dai mai khrap

พูดช้าๆ หน่อยได้ไหมคะ

phuut chaa chaa noi dai mai kha

Who is speaking?

ครับ said by a manค่ะ said by a woman

Draft: waiting for a native speaker’s review.

พูดอีกทีได้ไหม

phuut iik thii dai mai

พูดอีกทีได้ไหมครับ

phuut iik thii dai mai khrap

พูดอีกทีได้ไหมคะ

phuut iik thii dai mai kha

Who is speaking?

ครับ said by a manค่ะ said by a woman

Draft: waiting for a native speaker’s review.

Asking isn’t a sign you’ve failed. It’s what anyone does in a real conversation, and many grandmas would much rather say it twice than lose you.

How much should I practise, and how?

A little, often. Five minutes on most days is easier to keep up than an hour on Sunday, and it’s the keeping up that counts. A few habits that help:

1. Say it out loud. Reading a reply isn’t the same as saying it. Your mouth needs the practice your ears already had.
2. Practise right before the moment. Two minutes before the call with Yai, run through the replies you’ll need.
3. Mirror your family. Copy the words, endings and family names they use with you, and use them back. Your family’s Thai is the right Thai for your family.
4. Notice one new thing per conversation. One word you heard and didn’t know. Ask about it later, or look it up.

None of this comes with a timeline, and anyone who promises you fluency by a date doesn’t know your family. Every reply you add is one more moment you’re in the conversation.

What if my family laughs or switches to English?

It happens in lots of families, and it usually says more about the situation than about you. Hearing a grown-up child suddenly answer in Thai is a surprise, and surprise often comes out as a laugh. Switching to English is often the family trying to help, or just the habit of years. Many families have been talking to their kids in Thai and hearing English back for a long time, so English is the groove the conversation slides into.

A few things that help:

• Tell them what you’re doing. “I’m practising, can we stay in Thai?” changes the situation from a test into a project, and many families enjoy being part of it. This line says why, in a way family tends to hear as love:

ไม่อยากลืมภาษาไทย

mai yaak luem phaa-saa thai

ไม่อยากลืมภาษาไทยครับ

mai yaak luem phaa-saa thai khrap

ไม่อยากลืมภาษาไทยค่ะ

mai yaak luem phaa-saa thai kha

Who is speaking?

ครับ said by a manค่ะ said by a woman

Draft: waiting for a native speaker’s review.

• Keep answering in Thai, even if the question came in English. Short is fine.
• Pick your person. One relative who’s patient and enjoys it is worth more than a whole table at once. Often that’s Yai.
• Laugh along if you can. A funny accent is a situation, not a verdict. A 2007 UCLA article lists labels heritage speakers get from others, such as “embarrassing”, and reports Maria Polinsky’s view that their adult speech “has its own system”. Different isn’t broken.

And if one day you just don’t have it in you, that’s fine too. Understanding is enough, and you can try again next call.

Should I take a class, find a tutor, or use an app?

Whatever you’ll keep doing. They suit different goals and mix well:

• Thai classes and tutors. Some Thai temples abroad run weekend Thai classes, your Thai embassy or consulate may know what’s running near you, and private tutors teach in person and online. They’re the best route if you want to read and write Thai. Our look at Saturday Thai school is written for parents, but much of it applies to adults too.
• Daily reply practice. For the speaking you use at the dinner table, short daily practice with family phrases does the heavy lifting.

Comparing apps? Our honest comparison of apps to learn Thai shows what each one teaches and who it suits, and if you were hoping for a Duolingo course, here’s whether Duolingo teaches Thai.

That second one is what Reply Thai is built for. Its Start Replying track gives you your first natural replies to the questions family actually asks, practised a few minutes at a time, so the answer is ready before the next call.

Reply Thai for iPhoneComing soon

Want to start with a few phrases right now? Try Say it in Thai, or look up any family word in the glossary.

Thai words on this page are a draft until a native speaker has reviewed them.