What the massage auntie will ask you, and what to say

You lie down. You’re handed the loose trousers. Someone kneels on your calves. And then, about four minutes in, the questions start.

Traditional Thai massage, nuad thai, is on UNESCO’s list of the world’s living heritage (since 2019). What UNESCO doesn’t mention is that for a lot of luk khrueng it’s also the most thorough interview in Thailand. You can’t leave, you can’t see her face, and she has an hour.

The good news: the questions are almost always the same, they’re kind, and you can answer every one of them with something short. Here’s the usual order.

Question 1: “Are you Thai?”

It often comes after she’s heard you say one word to the receptionist and wasn’t sure what to make of the accent. You might hear เป็นคนไทยไหม, “are you Thai?”. The easy answer:

เป็นคนไทย

pen khon thai

เป็นคนไทยครับ

pen khon thai khrap

เป็นคนไทยค่ะ

pen khon thai kha

Who is speaking?

ครับ said by a manค่ะ said by a woman

Draft: waiting for a native speaker’s review.

If you want to say the whole thing in one go, there’s a lovely longer version:

โตเมืองนอกแต่ใจยังเป็นคนไทย

toh mueang nork tae jai yang pen khon thai

โตเมืองนอกแต่ใจยังเป็นคนไทยครับ

toh mueang nork tae jai yang pen khon thai khrap

โตเมืองนอกแต่ใจยังเป็นคนไทยค่ะ

toh mueang nork tae jai yang pen khon thai kha

Who is speaking?

ครับ said by a manค่ะ said by a woman

Draft: waiting for a native speaker’s review.

Or the plain fact, which many luk khrueng prefer: เป็นลูกครึ่ง (pen luuk khrueng), “I’m half Thai”. And if she has already called you ฝรั่ง (fa-rang), a Westerner, it’s usually curiosity, not unkindness. You don’t have to pick a side on the massage mat. More on the words people use for us in what does luk khrueng mean.

Question 2: “Where are you from?”

The question you’ll hear is มาจากไหนเนี่ย, “so where are you from?”. The pattern is มาจาก plus your country, as in มาจากสวีเดน (maa jaak sa-wii-den), “I’m from Sweden”. Then the follow-up you can see coming:

โตเมืองนอก

toh mueang nork

โตเมืองนอกครับ

toh mueang nork khrap

โตเมืองนอกค่ะ

toh mueang nork kha

Who is speaking?

ครับ said by a manค่ะ said by a woman

Draft: waiting for a native speaker’s review.

If she wants detail, แม่เป็นคนไทย (mae pen khon thai), “my mum is Thai”, usually settles it. Add the province if you know it, as in แม่เป็นคนเชียงใหม่ (mae pen khon chiang mai), “mum’s from Chiang Mai”, and watch the conversation take off, because now she knows someone from there.

Question 3: “Can you understand Thai?”

You’ll hear something like ฟังไทยรู้เรื่องมั้ย, “can you follow Thai?”. She’s curious, not testing you. The honest answer most of us give:

ฟังออก แต่พูดไม่ค่อยเก่ง

fang ork, tae phuut mai khoi geng

ฟังออก แต่พูดไม่ค่อยเก่งครับ

fang ork, tae phuut mai khoi geng khrap

ฟังออก แต่พูดไม่ค่อยเก่งค่ะ

fang ork, tae phuut mai khoi geng kha

Who is speaking?

ครับ said by a manค่ะ said by a woman

Draft: waiting for a native speaker’s review.

If she then speeds up, because she’s delighted, this one is your friend:

พูดช้าๆ หน่อยได้ไหม

phuut chaa chaa noi dai mai

พูดช้าๆ หน่อยได้ไหมครับ

phuut chaa chaa noi dai mai khrap

พูดช้าๆ หน่อยได้ไหมคะ

phuut chaa chaa noi dai mai kha

Who is speaking?

ครับ said by a manค่ะ said by a woman

Draft: waiting for a native speaker’s review.

And when she says พูดไทยเก่งนะเนี่ย, “your Thai is really good!”, take the compliment. A modest reply is ยังต้องฝึกอีกเยอะ (yang torng fuek iik yer), “I’ve still got lots to practise”, which is exactly the right amount of humble.

Question 4: “Seeing anyone yet?”

Ah. มีแฟนยัง (mii faen yang), “seeing anyone?”, is the same question every aunt in your family asks, and the massage auntie has the same instinct. It’s small talk. You don’t owe anyone your love life, and a light answer is perfect:

ยังไม่มี

yang mai mii

ยังไม่มีครับ

yang mai mii khrap

ยังไม่มีค่ะ

yang mai mii kha

Who is speaking?

ครับ said by a manค่ะ said by a woman

Draft: waiting for a native speaker’s review.

ยังไม่รีบ

yang mai riip

ยังไม่รีบครับ

yang mai riip khrap

ยังไม่รีบค่ะ

yang mai riip kha

Who is speaking?

ครับ said by a manค่ะ said by a woman

Draft: waiting for a native speaker’s review.

If the follow-ups pile up (salary, weight, when are you having children), the kindest exit in the language is ขอบคุณที่เป็นห่วง (khorp khun thii pen huang), “thanks for caring about me”. It honours the care without accepting the comment. Then ask about her kids. Everyone loves that question.

Question 5: “Have you eaten?”

Sometimes, near the end. It’s not a lunch invitation, it’s “are you looking after yourself?”. The answer is กินแล้ว (gin laew), “I’ve eaten”. We wrote a whole page on it: have you eaten yet in Thai.

And the thing you say: “gently, please”

The one word you actually need on the mat is เบา ๆ (bao bao), “softly, gently”. Say it when the elbow finds that spot. A wince also works in every language.

A few other things we’d love to give you in Thai but don’t have yet as reviewed lines from the app: “harder, please”, “that hurts”, “just the feet” and “can I lie on my back now?”. Until then, point, wince, and smile. At the end, a ขอบคุณ (khorp khun), “thank you”, with a small wai, says the rest.

Why it’s nice, actually

It’s easy to dread the questions. But think about what’s going on: a stranger has spotted that you belong here a bit, and wants to know which bit. For an hour, you get to practise Thai with someone who has every reason to be patient with you, and who will tell her colleague all about you the moment you leave. That’s not a test. That’s a welcome.

Practise the questions before you lie down

The Thai and proud and Big family days moments in Reply Thai cover exactly these questions, “are you Thai?”, “where’s your family from?” and “seeing anyone yet?”, practised as quick replies, so the answers come out even face down.

Reply Thai for iPhone: coming soonEmail me at launch

Going to Thailand soon? Our hotel check-in and asking locals page has the Thai for the rest of the day.

Thai words on this page are a draft until a native speaker has reviewed them.